tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
