just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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