It's Friday. Sex?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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