I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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