My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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