how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I supernannyed him into submission
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
