I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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