we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
