just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
