She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
