We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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