I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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