There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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