why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
