he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
