apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
