she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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