I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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