that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're like the curious george of whores
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
