Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
