I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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