Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
