During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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