Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
