I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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