So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize