mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we're making bets on your personal life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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