i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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