i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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