You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
