she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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