drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
