i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
