You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
