did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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