You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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