I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
