Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
