3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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