Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
