The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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