Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
