when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i permit you to call me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
