Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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