i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's like iHOP with fire
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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