Joe is yelling at the trees again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
