By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
