I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
