If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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