a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
