oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
