Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
