Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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