her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
