I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
