Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
