Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize