pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
