i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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