I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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