There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
