hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
