we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
