I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
