Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
