hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
