Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
