i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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