so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
