he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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