She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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