let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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