Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
