well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize