i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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