as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
