not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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