you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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