Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
