Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
