I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize